Broke Back Mountain

The mind is chattering again.
Seems like I am carrying a mountain on my shoulders which is breaking my back.
Advises and opportunities around me are running asunder.

I am thankful for the people around me and for some of the work that I am doing.Otherwise I feel like I am knocking at a door of a room which is empty. All I hear on the other side is the sound of the wind circulating through emptiness yet I can't stop knocking. What do I expect ....that at the other end the universe will let me enter into its embrace. That the door ,at which I am knocking, will open into space,into freedom and courage.
Why am I knocking what is so wrong with this side. Something warm is missing.Its cold out here,like an emotional Siberia where I have been sent as a prisoner of war. A war of my own creation but a war nonetheless.
Things could have been much worse.You could have not had the things you had. You could have been insane. You could have not had the people you have.You could have been dying.

I wonder sometimes if during the days of the revolution the suicide rates go down.People find a mission to direct their energies to...find a way out of obscurity and become a part of something.

How many people do I know who find life quite aimless...not worth living beause they don't have a mission a direction.

Well I for one feel that I don't have a mission but I know for sure that I will find one for sure one day .....one day is another day which shall arrive for sure which much pomp and show!