Life and love

"I want to live",she screamed
He just shrugged his shoulders,untied his laces and lay on the bed. He made sure he faced her while lying on the bed.He did not want her to feel abandoned.Touching her softy ,he stroked her cheek.She curled up to him like a kitten .
This was thier ritual every night .Words left unsaid,sad smile over his face and tears on her.
There wasn't much to be done now.
She used to be beautiful once,beautiful auburn hair that fell to her shoulders,bright intelligent eyes and a childlike face that broke into laughter at the hint of humour. Now the pallor did not leave her.The life was gone from her eyes.Only when she screamed did a gleam of life peep from behind the embers of her eyes.
Her eyes had always been beautiful,no emotion ever remained hidden . She always used to say tha her eyes tell on her .
Frail as she was,she got up and pulled over her nighty with such a force that he was afraid for a moment.Afraid and protetcive .Taking his hands she stroked them over her breasts.Except was  left were scars from the surgery .He took her nipples in his fingers and started stroking them ,hoping they would get erect,hoping that his touch would make her forget.
All she felt was somone nugging at her nipples which hurt.
She looked so frail and vulnerable.So thin and pallid that the light seemed to pass through her.
He took her in his arms and kissed her gently and tenderly,almost like kissing a child. Whispering his love into her ears.His love which would go beyond eternity.
She sensed that he had been having an affair. She knew him too well. She sensed it like a cow senses her dead calf. But she left her anger, hurt and betryal behind.It was almost like cancer had made a sage of her.
Eating simple food,a meal a day ,abnegating from sex,alcohol or meat.And now not being able to get angry at her husband's indiscretions.What else was left now except for attaining nirvana.

Slowly she dozed off to sleep.He went into the living room and lit a cigarette.
He had started seeing this woman from workplace.She had just been a support system to start with .....but gradually he drew to her.When he was with her he forgot all about death ,about suffereing and pain,about watching someone die everyday,watching life leave .For his sanity he decided to have an affair with her. He did not want to go where Suman was headed.He wanted something to hold him back,keep him grounded and rooted.He knew he was taking advantage of her empathy but yet he decided to have an affair with her.
There were more smiles now, fake compliments and laughs.Needless showering of attention and confessions of  love and how she was making him feel human again. She would look at him kindly,falling for him everyday,hanging on to his words. She felt she was fulfilling a divine compassionate purpose in life, giving succour to the needy.
Eversince he started his affair he felt calmer.He did not love her but neither did he feel guilty. Guess he was just tired taking care of Suman and wanted some respite.Just like Suman felt that because she was dying everything should revolve around her,he felt he was allowed one indiscretion.
Just for his sanity.